I am still afraid

2014-08-14 @ 07:15:51 / Allmänt / Kommentera (0) st
It bothers me to hell how weak I am.
That one simple message can ruin me like that.
My demons are eating my chest from the inside and the bad things are twirling in my head.
"Useless, not good enough, not thin enough, need makeup to be pretty, not doing enough, not sexy enough, not happy enough, bitchy, lying"
And the timing is just perfect, I'm on the edge of getting sick, I still have a headache since yesterday, I have a full on weekend where I am supposed to sing for a hellot of people, and my selfconfidence is at the bottom.
The timing is great, I dont know how I'm supposed to come through.
How can someone as bad, ugly and fat as me go ahead and stand infront of an audience? Uugh..
I feel sick, like I'm gonna throw up. 
I never thought I could feel this way towards you, I used to love you so highly, so highly I never saw your flaws, I only asked you to change one thing, wich you didnt think I was important enough to do it for. While you changed everything that was me.

I'm sorry you never got to change enough of me. Maybe then I would've fitted in to yours and your familys life. But we both know I didnt.
As you said, I wasnt the logical choice.
But I'll be fine, I know I will. And you don't have to worry about me, ever again.
This is the last thing you're going to hear from me, and the last tears that I am gonna waste on you.
You didn't just lose your girlfriend and your co-living.
Now you lost a friend aswell.
Hope it was worth it.

Kom ihåg mig!

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