Bleh.
I've caught a cold. Runny nose, headache, sore throat.
Slept really bad this night cause I couldnt breathe xD 
Oh well. It's time to put some clothes on and limp down to work. My knee still hurts as fuck, it's a little better today tho =)

Music in my ears will save this day. And painkillers xD

Haha okey so.. It's been...

1year and.. 3months since I was last doing horsebackriding "seriously" taking lessons and such. since then I've been in a saddle twice.
Today it was time to ride the horses back to the equestriancenter and since Im going to take lessons this fall I signed up to ride my old carehorse Vivack. Or PrinceVire as I call him xD

 

So.. Went to the fence. Started to call for him and the other horse. Nothing, start to wander around this huuuuge fence, didnt find them anywhere. We walk for a good 10min without finding them. They were at the place furthest away ofc. Took them with us up to the barn, started to look for saddles and briddles. To the other horse we found his things. To Prince, nope. Nothing, but I was like oh well, he's nice and calm, I'll just take some reins and ride him bridleless and bareback.
Said and done, away we go.
I sit and lean backwards on his back talking to the other girl, no saddle no briddle just loving being on a horse again.
Suddenly, a monster appears. It was sneaking towards us, without a sound, then turning away to lead us to think that we were safe. Prince didnt believe it and didnt wanna go. So we went around the other way, then the monster came creeping towards us again. Prince starts to spin in cirkles so I jump off before I fall off xD We walk past the monster. It was a robot-grassclipper xD You know one of those where you put up ribbons to show where it's gonna cut. Anyhow.

I jump back up and we continue, the rain starts to fall and it's just.. Amazing being on a horse again.
Then we ride by the old animalfarm, and the horses doesnt like that so slightly before my Prince starts acting up again. Backing, spinning in a cirkle, almost walking in to the other horse. But we got past. Then all of a sudden he takes a huuge step to the side. I was unprepared and fell on the ground on my back like a turtle xD
The reins broke and the other girl asked if I was ok. I sit up, nothing broken. I sit on my knees, aoch... I hurt my left knee. I get up, limping away thinking I could walk the last part. But my knee was hurting so goddamn much I had to find a rock so I could get back on the horse (He's a really big one)
So I get up on the rock, takes me about three tries to get back up xD And we continue to the center without further accidents.

Now I'm home and gonna put some heatcare on the knee and hope that it is good to go for tomorrow. It's probably the leading-string on the outside of the knee that got hurt. :3
Goddamnit, the balance is not what it used to be xD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOoMztym1LU
Such a talented and humoristic group xD I'm sitting with a big smile after seeing it. Hahaha

So far I've spent today with working and now looking up some new music for my mp3 to have when we clean or when I walk between the kitchen and the daycarechildren ^^

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvGqoaYp0Wo
<3

 

Haha, can't focus on typing cause I sing too much.
C ya later!

I knew I shouldnt be at the equestrian when there was signing for new lessons.
I signed back up, so lessons twice a week xD

Goodness.

Other than that I met a new mom and her kid, the daughter only spoke english so I started to talk english to her, and then her mom said "Have you been living in america?" She thought I had an american accent, it was a very nice compliment =3

 

Well, time to sleep. Work tomorrow.
G'night folks

So the first day for "real" on the job.
Was totally fine, I like the two last hours the most, that means I can put on my music and just jazz around and cleaning, haha.
I need some new music tho, so please send me some tips!

 

Other than that, nothing new under the sun.
I have a nasty nasty headache so I'm gonna go take a shower and go to sleep.

C ya around

It bothers me to hell how weak I am.

That one simple message can ruin me like that.

My demons are eating my chest from the inside and the bad things are twirling in my head.

"Useless, not good enough, not thin enough, need makeup to be pretty, not doing enough, not sexy enough, not happy enough, bitchy, lying"

And the timing is just perfect, I'm on the edge of getting sick, I still have a headache since yesterday, I have a full on weekend where I am supposed to sing for a hellot of people, and my selfconfidence is at the bottom.
The timing is great, I dont know how I'm supposed to come through.
How can someone as bad, ugly and fat as me go ahead and stand infront of an audience? Uugh..

 

I feel sick, like I'm gonna throw up. 
I never thought I could feel this way towards you, I used to love you so highly, so highly I never saw your flaws, I only asked you to change one thing, wich you didnt think I was important enough to do it for. While you changed everything that was me.

I'm sorry you never got to change enough of me. Maybe then I would've fitted in to yours and your familys life. But we both know I didnt.

As you said, I wasnt the logical choice.

 

But I'll be fine, I know I will. And you don't have to worry about me, ever again.
This is the last thing you're going to hear from me, and the last tears that I am gonna waste on you.
You didn't just lose your girlfriend and your co-living.
Now you lost a friend aswell.

Hope it was worth it.

Omg.
Work 7,30 - 1, then home, played a little. Got invited to some game, when I came there it turned out to be a tryout for a new dodgeball clan. I told them I'm not good enough, but they took me in anyway. Hahah.
Then away for some song and guitarr practice. Then home, dinner and then mom asked if I could follow to the horses to put up some fence for a new pen.

When we came there, there was already people doing the fence so we went up to the horses and started to put on the anti-mosquito spray on them, I wrestled with the little yellow pony, he doesnt like the spray. Haha.
Then we took them down to the other pen to the other horses, my sis's pony was happy xD He ran around like a maniac. Then I gave one of them food, but when the other horses got close he got scared so he knocked me with his big head straight over my eyebrow, hurts like fuck ^^

Then we took down the old pen and then went to the equestrian center to check up on my mom's pony aswell.

And now we're home.
Some gaming, a shower and then bed? Yes.

C ya around

So.
Saturday, haha.

It was all good, he wasnt nervous, he jumped and everything went well. We discussed however we should do it ourselfs or not. I said no, never, defenitly not xD

Not a chance in hell.

Then, straight home.

I spent the evening with setting up my desktop computer again so I could get back to gaming.

 

Sunday

Me and sis spent the day in front of the computer togheter. I taught her how to play prophunt, haha. She liked it though ^^
And we were to check on the horses cause Valle (Sis's pony) had his birthday yesterday =D So we went to give them apples and such ^^

And I went through some of the stuff from the house. *sigh*

Well well..

 

Now the clock is 7 in the morning and I'm gonna go brush my teeth and start to go down to my new job and do my first day there.
I havent slept good at all cause there was this goddamn fly that kept harassing me >,< But oh well, I'll be tired and all good to sleep tonight instead then I hope.

Just gotta remind myself to charge my mp3 so I can take a walk with music later. Didnt walk either saturday or sunday. Bad bad.

 

Anyhow, time to go =)

C ya around!

So, today we are going to the city to watch the parachutejumpers ^^

And today was the first day in like... three weeks? That I took the oportunity to fix my hair and do some makeup. Haha damn I'm fierce. 

My eyelashes feel so heavy that I'm afraid to blink, just in case I dont get them open again, hehe.

Anyhows, I should get some clothes and and start to get ready.

 

C ya around.

Sister took a ride on the yellow pony so she can compete with him on thursday

Woke up so many times this night. uugh.
Sometimes I dont even know why, and then a couple of times from the amazing thunder. So I got up at around 9,30 to eat breakfast and then I went back to bad and started to watch One Tree Hill again ^^ At season two now. So many memories.

The headache is slightly better today but it's still there. So goddamn annoying. Don't know if it's the lack of sugar, the lack of water or that I'm not used to this bed. Either way it bugs me and makes me in a pretty pissed mood.

 

Anyhow. The plans for the weekend is really nothing special.
Tomorrow we're going to Sundsvall to look at my aunt's man when he's gonna parachutejump. And then I think we're going with my brother to his apartment. 
Gonna see if I can set up my desktop on sunday too. I miss gaming with my friends.

 

Todays musictip:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B89Osfj8dg&list=PLHKrr7laHR0awgL7jquxhuOU8jGycrdaZ&index=194
Shinedown - The crow and the butterfly

Such an amazing song!

Haha what to say?
So, we get in the car and drive to get a trailer. We put the trailer on the car and drive to the equestriancenter to pick up a bathtub to use as waterbar for the horses in the new pen.

We drive to the pen and put the bathtub there, drive back up to the barn at the old pen and start taking out the horses. Some people were taking horses down to the new pen and me and sis went to pick up the ponnies

I found a pretty yellow one

Goodmorning.

It's 11,25 here and I woke up around 1-1,5hours ago.
I dreamed alot this night, cant remember what though =/
Woke up with a pretty bad headache aswell >,< it sucks, but I guess it's all the sugar going out off my system. Haha.

 

Got invited to a "Girl gaming comunity" on steam today. Needless to say I said no, I don't see the point. I'm pretty tired of the girls of gaming overall to be honest.

Well well.

 

Time to do something usefull. Untill now I've only clicked around and watched One Tree Hill.

C ya around

And then we were home.
Been out in the woods at the ponnies for a couple of hours, fencemeeting, then spraying them with the anti-mosquito thingy and just plain talking to people.
Haha.

Those who know me knows I love these kinds of tests. And I got this one sent to me just a while ago and this is the result.

 

http://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality

 

INFP.

In short what I thought really fit me was:

 

- INFP personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better. While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy,

 

- INFPs will focus their attention on just a few people, a single worthy cause – spread too thinly, they’ll run out of energy, and even become dejected and overwhelmed by all the bad in the world that they can’t fix, a sad sight for INFP’s friends, who will come to depend on their rosy outlook.

 

- 

• Passionate and energetic. INFPs tend to be very energetic when it comes to causes they believe in and are willing to fight for. They may be quiet and even shy in public, but their passion should not be underestimated.
• Too altruistic. INFPs may be so focused on doing good things and helping other people that they may neglect their own needs. Alternatively, they may fight for their chosen cause, ignoring everything else in life.
• Take many things personally. INFPs cherish their ideals and find it very difficult to accept criticism, taking such comments very personally. They also tend to avoid conflict situations, always looking for a solution that satisfies everybody.

Since it's been a long time since I was doing this, my playlist have been filled with alot of new music.
And sharing is caring so.

 

The first song is this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gq3Wiavwq_w

Urban Contact - Million Questions.
I dont know, I just love the lyrics and the feeling in the song.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap7HzFlOXq4
Darius Rucker - Come back song

This song is just so very entrancing and perfect for singalong.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Graa_Vm5eA
Jack Johnson - Banana Pancakes
I just want to make a pillowfortress, have a rainy day and just stay inside all day when I hear this song.

 

And to be honest, Alot of my music I havent found myself, especially not lately.
For example the second two listed songs is sent to me from a guy with just an amazing musictaste that ranges everywhere from country to metal. And according to himself he has the best musictaste, so I guess I'll have to agree with that.

 

I'm gonna settle with just three songs right now, I still have so so much music to share but I'll take it a couple of songs at the time.
Other than that it's nothing much going on today.

I woke up at 9,30, cant even remember when I did that last. I mean, I usually go to bed around that time, hehe. 
Other plans for the day I dont know, Taking a walk later, right now me and sis is watching old photoalbums, haha.

Anyhows, C ya later.

Sitter i soffan o kikar på "Allsång på skansen"

Jag roar mig med att slösurfa och hamnar då på Hööks.

Är så sjukt sugen på att börja rida igen men känns som att de är så mycket omständigheter.

 

Måste köpa nya ridskor och chaps eftersom mina försvann där någonstans efter jag slutade förra våren. 

Och ett par nya ridbyxor eftersom det är hål i alla mina.

Och sen allt med allergin.

Jag vet inte. Men jag saknar det så galet mycket.

Rida lektion, spänningen inför hästbyten, känslan av en lyckad lektion, känslan efter en mindre lyckad då man bara vill försöka igen.

Hej.

Minns ni mig?

Det var ett bra tag sedan jag var aktiv nu.

Men inser att jag behöver någonstans att skriva. Har grejat lite med header, design osv. Håller fortfarande på att greja men orkar inte mer just nu.

 

Ja ni.

Sedan sist?
Ett förhållande på 3år tog slut. Jag bor numer hemma hos min mor och familjen. Tanken är att få ordning på mitt liv igen.

Funderingarna fortsätter.

Flytta till Härnösand och plugga förskolelärare?
Plugga något annat?
Flytta någon annanstans?
Jag vet inte, men just nu har jag tid att fundera.

 

Vill eventuellt börja rida igen, men vet inte om kroppen orkar riktigt.

Sist jag red blev jag liggande med feber och migrän i tre dagar. Så jag är osäker. Men jag är väldigt sugen.

 

Har iallafall lyckats gå ner 5kg på de här veckorna.

Lite sjukt, läste min gamla träningsdagbok. Som mest vägde jag 113kg. Det var ganska precis ett år sedan nu.
Jag är idag nere på 97kg.

Helt galet.

Hittade nu i flytten en påse med jeans från ett klädföretag. Jeansen var inte ens uppackade, tog upp dem och provade, satt som en smäck, förmodligen packade jag ner dom för att jag inte kunde ha dom när jag beställde dem. Så det var roligt att dom satt så jäkla bra nu.

 

Nå nå, man ska inte övergöra det.

Här är en bild från när jag och mamma var och tog emot Pierrot tidigare idag och jag gick och hämtade min stora prins Vivack =)